Confessions of a Mom Whose Kid is "Too Busy"

Two weeks into the new school year and I am late to schedule any after school activities for my first grader.  I know what we are considering, but waiting for his school that is slow to schedule their after school activities may be causing us to loose places elsewhere.  

One of the many beauties of Dubai - you can find a class for anything and everything here, and a lot of it is really good quality.  I want my son to be exposed to, and try different things, but how much is really too much?

Every year I see one or two local newspaper articles about over scheduling one's child.  They must have enough downtime to be bored.  They must feel bored.  I used to read those articles and think, ya, awful parents.  How dare they over schedule their child?  Apparently some mild form of modern abuse.

After some internet search, I see there are even books written on the subject. By definition, I now fall into a certain category of parent.  But really, I am NOT that parent.

In the NYTimes last year there was an about this very subject.  It was written by a parent of two busy children titled Overscheduled Children - How Big a Problem?  Bruce Fieler and his wife both work, and their kids participate in a fair amount of after school activities.  

I can totally relate to everything he said in that article since both my husband and I work very full time jobs.  And even if I didn't work, would it matter?  I would probably not enroll my child in any fewer activities.  

The "experts" say that children need time to be free and be bored.  I totally agree, and we experience this.  However, I also agree with the NYT article.  Boredom leads into the "Can I have the iPad?" request.  No.  

My son is very happy to draw, play legos and do other things, but iPad is The Bomb in their world. And once they learn more about apps, download, etc, they want more.  Who doesn't?  Look at all the adult Candy Crush addicts out there.

Last year he still had plenty of free time to play, and many of his friends were in the same activities. Like Fieler, I also feel these activities are helping him grow and learn about different things.

What they are not is me coddling him or competing with other parents or kids - the main criticism in the books cited.  Be sure, I could care less about what the next kid does or what other kids' parents think.  I'll let someone accuse me of being too interested in my son, but caring about others to the point it is a competition? ...No. For us, it is about trying, or doing your best. 

Once when my son was three, he told me he "can't" do something.  All of my hair stood up on end. I basically explained to him that this is not a word we use.  I'm not sure if he got it at that time, and in all fairness to him he was just being a whiny three year old that day, as you do.  But "can't"? It is a 4-letter word.  We "try".

I emphasized the word so much that when he was frustrated putting together the cute little car track he had, from that day on, those tracks were fondly known as "tries".

I don't want to sound like one of those people that walked up hill both ways to school in the snow, but... When I was young, I played in the forests of rural Ohio.  (Okay, maybe I wasn't in the forrest that deep, but it felt like it).  My friends and I played outside all day, and our parents didn't worry about us being abducted.  I do not really worry about this in Dubai, but I am aware that we live in a much different time.  We also do not have forests here either.  

When we later moved to Texas, I recall being outdoors with my friends at the playground a lot.  We have a playground here, but its not the same.  This is a big city, and we can't easily rally the neighborhood for a game of anything, or playground experimentation. 

My favorite quote from the article,  “As a general principle, there is a line between a highly enriched, interesting, growth-promoting childhood and an over scheduled childhood,” he said. “And nobody knows where that line is.”

So if no one knows where this line is, why are we trying to define it?  Experts always want to put kids or parent behaviors, in some kind of box.  Maybe this doesn't fit in a black or white box.  Exploring and learning can be grey.  It should actually not walk a straight line, but maybe zig zag a bit?

I do not have all the answers, but to all those other parents that are genuinely trying to do right by their child and keep them busy, learning, healthy and happy without being overly competitive - carry on.  

For the NYTimes article referenced above, please click here.