In November of 2010, I found myself pregnant. It was kind of a surprise, but a
welcome one. I surprised my
husband with the news on Christmas day - a nice present, and certainly a
surprise. A few days before New
Year’s Eve there was a little bleeding and I tried not to worry as I know these
things happen. As the days progressed,
it was then diagnosed as a tubal pregnancy. It was not in the uterus where embryos should be. That day, my doctor informed me I
needed to go to the hospital immediately.
So much to my surprise and somewhat reluctantly, I did. However, it is the right thing to
do. Tubal or ectopic pregnancies can
be quite serious. If not
addressed, the tube typically ruptures and the mother can die.
They tried to move it with medication. I waited for several uneventful
days. Not much happened. Then ultrasound could not confirm what
was happening. I was a strange
case because it seemed whatever was in my tube previously did not pass, but was
lost. Disappeared. I love physicians, or people from different cultures who do not think before they speak. The radiologist in the hospital told me "we are very worried dear because we cannot find it". While I had confidence in my doctor, she was not helping the situation.
There were two hours or so of what do
to – a laparoscopic procedure, or just go full out and cut me open. In the end we went all out. It was a good thing because as my
doctor opened me she said it had ruptured and blood was coming out. I felt no discomfort or anything, but I lost a tube as a result of the rupture. I was told I could get pregnant again if I wanted.
While a little disappointed, I was really okay. These things happen to many many women. I did not feel completely devastated, as this is life. C'est
la vie.
Fast track to 2011.
November. Much to my
surprise I felt pregnant. Could it
be? Yes, I was. It was exciting and creepy all at the
same time because it was the same timing as last year. This time I did not wait until
Christmas to tell my husband, as that is what I felt the most bad about in the
previous year. I have no crystal
ball, but for sure I would have never wrapped up the pregnancy test had I
known last year's outcome.
We were excited, but yet not excessively because we knew a
lot could happen and did not want to get anyone excited until we knew for sure
everything was ok. So we agreed to
wait to tell our family and friends until I was a little further along.
The good news was the ultrasound showed that things were in
the right place this time. I was
relieved about this and the dismissal of a theory from another doctor last year
that told me I would have a difficult time getting pregnant because my uterus
is a strange shape. A few weeks
later, bleeding started. I went to
my doctor and she advised me to rest and wait. And so I did, but one day later it was confirmed – a
miscarriage.
While somewhat disappointed, again, this is life and we know
these things can happen. The rate
of pregnancies that end in miscarriage is around 15% – possibly 20% or more. So while I am going through this and
frustrated that people at work may see me as a slacker for not being there physically
(I know stupid, this is my health and I am also working from home the entire
time I am on sick leave) I am really okay physically and emotionally. Fortunately, this has been rather
uneventful. Just a strong case of déjà vu.
However, the irony of life seems to continue to pursue
me. It always does, but really
this time was stranger than fiction.
A woman who works for us had not been looking well for a few days. When
I asked her if she was okay, she informs me she has a malignant tumor in her
abdomen somewhere. That is
shocking and horrible, but yet I am not quick to believe this diagnosis because
I know the spectrum of quality healthcare here. After listening to her story, I wanted to see her medical
records. A tumor, perhaps,
malignant based on what she told me there was no way to be sure. I was prepared to help her find at
least proper diagnosis and treatment, and God forbid if it was the worst case
scenario, make sure she got home so she could be with her family.
So just a few days ago she came to me with her medical
records. She was upset and started
saying she is not sure how she could tell me, she was sorry she lied, etc,
etc. Tell me what? I notice right away the medical record
was awfully thin, just a few pages. I am frantically searching for a sign, or some off the wall
blood count. As I scroll down the
doctor’s report, there, at the bottom of the page I learn she is pregnant.
I did not ask any details, but I am assuming this is a
pregnancy out of wedlock. In the UAE,
it is against the law to have a child out of wedlock. It is illegal for unmarried couples to live together, thus it
is illegal for unmarried couples to have sex. This is a Shariah law
country. Do not quote me on this,
but I am pretty sure a single mom can live here. For example if you are here divorced with your child, I
believe you are still able to reside here. I am married and have never faced this possibility before so
I am not well read on this law. I
have read that if you are foreign and pregnant, you may marry the father of the
unborn child or leave the country before being arrested for fornication. I do not know what the sentence is. This is the law. I am not here to say if
this is right or wrong. Some may
agree, some may not agree. These
are the laws of the UAE and we must abide by them, and I do happily because I
am privileged to live here.
So there I am listening to her, pregnant, as I am having a
miscarriage. The irony of the
whole situation is mind-blowing for lack of a better word. For her to stay here and continue to
work would not do her or a future child any good. No good could come of it. She would end up in jail, at best. I am not sure what would happen to the baby. In the end I paid her full salary and
then some. I made her promise that
she would stop working immediately and get on the first plane and go home. I cannot judge her or be
upset. It is not my place to do
so. C'est la vie.